Red

There’s a constant buzzing inside my head

I can’t swat it 

This buzzing traces the ends of my brain cells and travels to the tips of my loose strands of hair 

They hang loosely 

Not in expectation of you 

But in the weariness of your presence 

You’re weighing me down with your fetters 
The hand,the eyes,the shirt parfum-ed regret it in the morning 

I always do

The alarm is buzzing in my head

I reached out for the little clock by my bedside 

I found the ring 

Your ring 

I hear faint music 

Was that you near the grand piano in the living room ?
The wrong side 

Damn,the wrong side 

There was no accident 

It was no accident 
The piano 

My tapered fingers fling the door open and a chilly gust of wind pricks my skin

Oh,it’s just you 

I run my fingers through your perfumed hair 

There’s a constant buzzing inside my head

I can’t swat it 

This buzzing traces the ends of my brain cells and travels to the tips of my loose strands of hair 

They hang loosely 

Not in expectation of you 

But in the weariness of your presence 
You clasp my hair in your palms 

The ring 

The phone’s ringing 

It still rings 
It was no accident 

Three bottles of alcohol 

Burning my gut till I saw beyond the smokescreen 

The perfume 

It wasn’t mine 

It wasn’t yours 

There’s a constant buzzing inside my head

I can’t swat it 

This buzzing traces the ends of my brain cells and travels to the tips of my loose strands of hair 

They hang loosely 

Not in expectation of you 

But in the weariness of your presence 

I can’t accept your presence anymore

Not after the doorbell rang that day 
I watched them carry you in a casket 

Grim,cold,beautiful 

I remember leaving the flowers on them

Big,cerise roses 

They asked me to use white 

They asked me to wear black 

They asked me to feel blue 
I wore these colours for you on various days 

But not even the blood painted on my skin melted the ice in your heart 

Her red had won you over 

She won you over in Life

I won’t let her win you over in Death 

I cleaned the blood on my sweater

Red 

Red as the lipstick she wore on my wedding 

Red 

Red as the dress she wore on my birthday 

Red

Red as the carpet she walked with you 
Today,I’ll wear red in the honour of your absence
The buzzing of the ambulance outside still rings in my mind 

I didn’t sin at all 

I laugh at the world and the follies they make 
These iron bars will rust and one day give way 

My spirit is not fettered 

You are foolish.

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